Tuesday, 31 May 2016

POEMS - We're Going on a Hen Do


I am a massive fan on Michael Rosen. He's a brilliant poet, and a fantastic activist for primary and secondary education (see his twitter page). One of my favourite poems of his is the children's classic 'We're going on a bear hunt'. It's a great poem, and it's also been parodied about a million times. So here's my lovingly-rendered version. It's about a Hen Party...

We're Going on a Hen Do

We're going on a Hen Do.
We're going to have a great night.
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
Prosecco!
Bubbly, lovely Prosecco.
And it's complimentary.
We can't just leave it.
We're going to have to drink it!
Sip sip! Sip sip! Sip sip!

We're going on a Hen Do
We're going to get quite tipsy
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
Gin!
Lethal bathtub gin.
And it's complimentary.
We can't just leave it.
We're going to have to drink it!
Gulp gulp! Gulp gulp! Gulp gulp!

We're going on a Hen Do
We're going to get quite tipsy
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
Cocktails!
Radioactive-green cocktails.
And they're complimentary.
We can't just leave them.
We're going to have to drink them!
Gurgle gurgle! Gurgle gurgle! Gurgle gurgle!

We're going on a Hen Do
We're going to get quite tipsy
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
Pitchers!
Chemical-flavoured pitchers.
And they're complimentary.
We can't just leave them.
We're going to have to drink them!
Swig swig! Swig swig! Swig swig!

We're going on a Hen Do
We're going to get quite tipsy
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
Whiskey!
Cheap supermarket Whiskey.
And it's complimentary.
We can't just leave it.
We're going to have to drink it!
Glug glug! Glug glug! Glug glug!!

We're going on a Hen Do
We're going to get quite tipsy
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
Tequila Shots!
Ridiculous amounts of tequila shots.
And they're complimentary.
We can't just leave them.
We're going to have to drink them!
Slurp slurp! Slurp slurp! Slurp slurp!

We're going on a Hen Do
We're going to get quite tipsy
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
Donner kebabs!
Sweaty, stringy donner kebabs.
And they're complimentary.
We can't just leave them.
We're going to have to eat them!
Chomp chomp! Chomp chomp! Chomp chomp!

We're going on a Hen Do
We're going to get quite tipsy
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
A taxi!
A darkened, piss-stained taxi.
It isn't complimentary.
But we can't just leave it.
We're going to have to go home.
Whoosh whoosh! Whoosh whoosh! Whoosh whoosh!

We're going on a Hen Do
We're going to get quite tipsy
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
Our front door!
Our locked and bolted front door.
This isn't complimentary.
But we can't just leave it.
We're going to wake the neighbours.
Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!

We're going on a Hen Do
We're going to get quite tipsy
I'm not drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh-oh!
A police cell!
We woken up in a police cell.
The breakfasts aren't complimentary.
But we can't just leave it.
We're going to have to wait.
Shuffle shuffle! Shuffle shuffle! Shuffle shuffle!

We've all been on a Hen Do
We did get really tipsy.
I'm still drunk!
What a beautiful bride-to-be!

Uh oh! Cocktails!

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