Monday, 26 October 2015

POEM - Taramasalata

This is probably one of the silliest poems I've ever written. And that's really saying something!

I wrote in for a competition, the theme of which was 'food and drink'. I had no idea what to write about for my submission, so I asked my other half, and he jokingly said 'taramasalata'.

For those of you who don't already know, taramasalata is a weird pink blancmange type substance made of mushed-up fish. It is in no way my favourite food...

That being said, I do like a challenge, and finding nine rhymes for taramasalata certainly *was* a challenge!

I didn't win the competition - and I think that's probably for the best, all things considered. But, if the Taramasalata Advisory Board are reading this, then I am very open to future fish-based commissions. Drop me an email, and we'll talk.


Some folks like a salad
Or soup to eat for starters,
But I just can’t be sated
Without taramasalata.

It’s almost an addiction.
I’ll admit I am a martyr.
But heaven knows what I would do
For taramasalata.

There’s no restrictions on its use
In any social strata.
It makes your breath smell like the sea,
Does taramasalata.

It’s full of fish and vitamins –
I think it makes your smarter.
I’ve gained two PhD degrees
With Taramasalata.

If I could pass a Public Law,
Decree, or Royal Charter,
I’d get them to protect the fish
(For taramasalata).

And when there’s none inside the fridge,
I beg and steal and barter.
It can’t be helped, I’m really stuck
On taramasalata.

I want to buy the world’s supply;
I’ve put it on KickStarter.
(The gift you get for donating
Is taramasalata.)

And, when I’m seeking payment –
Either full-time or pro rata –
I’ll ask them to consider
Giving taramasalata.

If climate change kills all the fish,
It would be a disaster.
There’d be no sea diversity
(Or taramasalata).



  1. love the poem, makes it sound like a gateway drug to caviar

    1. It definitely is, Emma! And if you had an especially addictive disposition, you might end up on the whelks. Many a good man has been reduced to shellfish. ;-) Thanks for your comment -x-