Tuesday, 23 December 2014

POEM - Arrested Development

I've started writing poems again - so here's a new one for you. It's about being motivated by unusual objects...

Arrested Development
When I was small, I was in the Girl Scouts
(For twenty-eight days – but I think it still counts)
And in that brief time, I was gently conditioned
To shun wealth and money as normal ambitions.

See, in the Girl Scouts, if you have stuff to do,
You're aiming for merits, and that pulls you through.
You get little badges for each task completed
I almost had three (not to sound too conceited).

But, though I was driven, I wasn't obsessed,
I just wanted badges, and that was my quest.
No matter the challenge, or how hard the slog,
I drooled over badges, just like Pavlov's Dog.

But, now that I'm older, I've just figured out
Why I'm so lazy: those bloody Girl Scouts!
I can't get excited by cash-based incentives,
Without earning badges, I can't be contented!

So, I have a suggestion – please, just hear me out –
I think we should start up the Grown Up Girl Scouts.

Then, we could have badges for sleeping on sofas,
Or going to meetings still really hungover.
And there could be badges for selling our souls,
And drinking red wine out of cereal bowls.

Badges for making ten pounds last three weeks.
For sharing with housemates who give us the creeps.
For having a curry, instead of a run,
For throwing house parties where nobody comes.

And there would be badges for bullshit endurance;
For not having savings or getting insurance.
For making our tea from what's left on the shelf
(It's nearly two weeks since I poisoned myself).

And we could have badges for tall expectations,
For leaky apartments and job applications.
Not getting a pension, or having a mortgage,
For still having half of our stuff locked in storage.

For just having jobs, not high-flying careers,
For living off sandwiches, pasta, and beers.
And knowing our parents were married with kids
By our age. The thought of that scares me to bits.

But we're doing ok. We're not dead, or in jail.
We do have some plans – just not all the details.
We don't need an iron, or a skincare regime,
Coz it turns out that life's not as hard as it seems.

We'll sort it all out, all it takes is some practice
And, failing all that, we'll have shit-loads of badges.

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