Saturday, 10 August 2013

The Revolution

Brothers, sisters, friends and comrades,
The time for talk has long since passed!
Tonight, we start the revolution!
Our actions swift and methods harsh!

For we have lived too long in darkness,
Derided and dehumanised!
Tonight, we step out of the shadows!
Tonight, the world's oppressed shall rise!

There's no way now to stop the marching,
Armies have been mobilised!
Discrimination shall be vanquished!
Tonight, the world's oppressed shall rise!

For we are one in ten among you –
A stealth attack, that's how we planned it.
The revolution starting now!
The rise and rule of the left-handed!

We know you think we're evil –
That we're born without a soul –
And we know you made our scissors crap
To keep us in control!

We know that putting beans in cans
Is all just Lefty baiting,
And calling us kack-handed
Only leads to deeper hatred.

We know you're writing left to right
To keep us in our place.
We know about the Lefties
That you blasted into space!

But we've worked out the tin openers:
Now there's nothing we can't do
And this sinister battalion
Is coming after you!

We'll make you all write leftways
So you'll endure the smudges!
We'll move all of the buttons
To the left of tills in Budgens!

We'll change all the computers
So they only do left clicks,
And we won't stop now, in our quest
'Til each of them is fixed!

Directions will be modified
To 'left', 'not-left' and 'straight.'
The customer is always left
This way, things will be great!

You'll say, two wrongs don't make a left:
You're absolutely right
And that the reason you'll be chained
And buried out of sight.

We'll keep you in the dungeons,
With the rats and slugs and spiders
Then you'll know the awkwardness
Of writing in ring binders!

You may think that we're crazy
To enslave the human race?
We only want to make it fair!
Our heart's in the left place!

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