It took eighty years to track him down,
That dirty, lying skunk.
Threatening Neptune ensured he got found.
The erratic orbit proved he was drunk.
He was pretty tough, for a little guy
And as hard as rock and ice.
“Why'd yer do it?” The inspector cried.
“Don't cha know that fraud ain't nice?”
Pluto sucked a cigarette,
His fedora low on his brow,
“Don't say anything you might regret!”
“I got friends in high places now.”
He'd been fooling all astronomers
Since the thirties with his guise.
A planetary imposter, a saboteur,
But the (Solar) system caught up with his lies.
It was Chiron and Eris who ratted him out,
That pair of Kuiper Belt sneaks!
The fraudster was guilty, of that there's no doubt.
A case like this could go on weeks!
But the trial collapsed and the jury was hung
And Pluto was left to go free.
Seemed he'd called in a favour from Mars and the Sun,
Got off on a technicality.
I refused relocation and now, late at night,
Though I know I don't have any proof,
I can hear the eight planets all whispering spite
Six inches from the top of my roof.