When we first met, I found you quite charming
But that impression began to cave in
The first time that I let you to kiss me
And you licked me from forehead to chin.
I knew that you weren't great with women
Now finally I understood why.
(Being able to suck on my tonsils
Is not something I want in a guy. )
I still feel the pang of revulsion
When I think of your molars on mine.
The clash of enamel connecting
Sent chills to the base of my spine.
I know you were just keen to please me,
But your technique was really bizarre.
You formed a tight seal round my head holes -
It's not suppose to be like CPR!
In order to give you some feedback,
(Please know that I'm not one to quibble)
We women don't like to be moistened
with silvery trails of dribble.
Not that it wasn't impressive –
The incredible girth of you tongue –
But the ravenous way that you wield it!
You damn nearly punctured my lung!
If I'd known that you packed so much suction –
Like a back hole in fashionable jeans –
I might have asked you to hoover my carpets:
Euphemisms, unheard, like my screams.
But, now that you're gone, I feel lonely;
Normal kisses just don't fill the space.
Turns out that, though I protested,
I want you to chew on my face.
I saw you gnawing the tonsils of some girl
In the precinct by Iceland today.
And I know for a fact that I've lost you
The Bad Kisser who slipped clean away.