Monday, 24 September 2012

What the Dickens?!

On Thursday 27th September at 11.30am, the Angles Theatre in Wisbech will play host to an afternoon dripping in all things Dickens!

To celebrate the exhibition of the original manuscript of Great Expectations, on show at the Wisbech and Fenland Museum, actor Miriam Margolyes will be joining us onstage to give us her unique interpretation of the characters from the classic novel. 

There'll also be some great performances from local drama groups, who will be exploring some of the lesser-known facts about Mr Dickens himself. 

And I'll be the one holding the whole show together! I'll be introducing the other performers, reading a few of my own poems, and generally acting as Ringmaster, Master of Ceremonies and benevolent dictator of the theatre. I might even be persuaded to read this one:

The Adventures of Miss Havisham

Turns out, in the end, I had to stop moping.
(Becoming a shut-in? I just wasn't coping.)
So I got dumped? I got jilted? Well, we've all been there!
I got back on the horse, coz there were men to be snared!
You see, being a single lady (of a certain age)
Is nothing to be sneered at, in fact, it's all the rage!
If Jen Aniston could do it, well, why couldn't I?
I donned false lashes and fake tan, set out to bag me a guy.
I wouldn't find a bloke gathering dust up in my room -
The world's a man-market and there's meat to be consumed!
So I went out on the town to get my broken heart healed,
(Though I swapped the dirty dress for a fuck-me* frock and killer heels.)
I needed rum and karaoke to make me feel alive!
So I got sloshed and took off my shoes and slurred to 'I Will Survive.'
I danced like a loon, shook out the cobwebs (quite literally)
Show all those youngsters I'm not yet fit for antiquity.
Got kicked out of the club for dancing on the bar,
(They might not have minded, but I'd stripped down to my bra...)
Got some stars inked on my ankle in a dodgy tattoo place
(Really glad they dissuaded me from having one put on my face.)
Pinched several men's bottoms (don't begrudge a cheeky grab!)
Then stumbled back to Satis with a doner meat kebab.
A smile on my lips as I crawled into my bed,
Nowt like a night of fun to get whats-his-name out of my head.

*might need to change this for the Thursday afternoon market.

Saturday, 8 September 2012


The moon was within reach that night.
A glistening orb, a bird in flight.
As big as hell and twice as bright.
A great pearlescent peach to bite.
I'd break its skin with diamond teeth -
Burst the shell and pierce the sheath.
Extinguish night, there on the heath,
And banish, from you, all your grief.
The flesh the fruit would then, like sin,
Divulge to us through ruptured skin.
The luna juice would coat our chins
And light our lips as from within.
We would harvest all the seeds
And bury them, to suit our needs.
We'd grow great trees with glowing leaves
And no one, then, need feel bereaved.
Let brightened branches lead the way,
and make the night shine clear as day.
Light the path for those who stray
And keep the pain and hurt at bay.
Alas, the moon is out of reach.
A loveless rock, no glistening peach.
And life has lessons yet to teach.
All you have to do is reach.

Sunday, 2 September 2012

AA (Astronauts Anonymous)

It's the astronauts
who are in my thoughts.
(In the vastness of space, they get bored.)
And it's hard to cope
on a gyroscope,
being measured and tested and scored.

They need some libation
to avoid mental stagnation
so, occasionally, liquor is poured.
Space is hum-drum
until you've had a spot of rum.
*Enthusiasm levels restored*

In their bright white suits
and their fancy boots,
they explore all there is to explore.
Doing experimentation
without gravitation:
a glass of wine is their well-earned reward.

It's not reduced gravity,
but alcoholic depravity
that makes the moonwalk the one to record.
They keep falling over
because they're not sober!
Fixing spaceships while all drunk as lords.

But I don't think it's sinful
that they all want a skin-full
or a whiskey before they're on board.
You'd turn to drink too
if if it was down to you
to boldly go where no one's been before.
(Face down on the ship's bathroom floor.)