The pandas at Edinburgh Zoo
Were drunk again on blue Bamboo
To sire a brood
Though they'd never been taught how to screw.
Keen but completely naïve
In techniques to make pandas conceive
They tried every which way
Through all the week days
They were exhausted by Saturday eve.
They just couldn't get the act right
The flames of passion were slow to ignite
They tumbled, wrestled and cried
Each gained two blackened eyes
A blur of fur moving in black and white.
Impeded by those tourists staring
And the zoo keepers gleefully leering
You know, it's hard to perform
When you're under such scorn
And each time you embrace you hear cheering.
I think that you'd falter too
If you were forced to have sex in a zoo
For a crowd of voyeurs
Like a porn star with fur
I'd fake a headache, wouldn't you?