I've come to speak to you today,
Of a rare and noble beast.
They're threatened with extinction,
Their numbers have decreased.
Once they roamed through shopping malls
But now are rarely seen.
This situation's dire,
It's the worst we've ever seen!
So we've got to raise some money,
or the species might be lost.
We're going to captive breed them:
the Lesser-Spotted Goth.
Their plumage is astounding,
Bright black with a purple hue.
Though females have been known to have
Pink, blue or white fur too.
They are a gentle, noble breed,
With eerie white complexions.
They don't fight for mates or territory
As they just can't face rejection.
In truth, they are a fragile lot.
We must offer them protection!
They'll die out soon without our help
So put a quid in our collection!
They used to be quite common
Around the library
Now there are but few of them
What caused such tragedy?
There are scientists who think that
Invasive species are to blame.
Since the Pro-Emo laws of ninety four
Goths haven't been the same.
But both Goth sexes look alike
Each with lipstick and long hair.
And confusion over who is what
Affects each breeding pair.
They wear heavy clothing all year round –
Global warming isn't helping –
Perhaps the Goths aren't disappearing
But, instead, are melting?
They're important for the ecosystem,
For the townies who feed on them.
Our market towns will fall apart
With no Goths to hang around them!
So can you see why we're concerned?
It's the worst case seen in ages.
And captive Goths aren't cheap to keep
We'll need a few specialised cages.
Each enclosure painted black
With posters of the Cure.
We pump Rammstein in so they'll relax
We'll save them this way, I'm sure!
So come on, cough up all your dough!
Saving the Goth makes sense.
If we don't, then the Hipsters will overrun!
Do you really want that on you conscience?