They say there's something quite strange
down there on the range
and the paddocks of Hallowe'en Farm.
They say the farmer constructs
monsters out of dead ducks.
(I once saw a pig with three arms.)
The creatures he makes
are inhuman mistakes;
perversions of nature and science.
They say he has a device
that brings dead things to life.
The Devil's unholiest kitchen appliance.
I confess that I shuddered
when I saw grafted udders
on the backs of a swan and a bee.
The eight-legged mouse
made me sick in mouth.
It's an image I wish I could un-see.
They say he makes these weird creatures –
with unusual features –
to satisfy a bizarre carnal lust.
But an elephant trunk
on the face of skunk
nearly caused my eye balls to combust.
He has a herd of Roe Deer
with no eyes and no ears,
Fellow farmers view him with such scorn.
He bred a duck and an otter –
that sick, sexual nutter!
And that's how the platypus was born.