Sunday, 27 June 2010

I want a geek

"I want a man who knows I.T.
Who can get me a refurbished hard drive for free.
A man who has two Star Trek uniforms, one red and one blue
And who measures time in terms of who is Doctor Who.
I want a geek, a first-rate nerd
A man who owns a a model of Brains from Thunderbirds.
I want a man whose not ashamed
To invite me into his World of Warcraft game.
I want a bloke who can quote Monty Python
And knows what I mean when I ask 'Picard or Riker?'
I want a man who owns five computer screens
And has Firefly on V.H.S. (whatever that means)
I want a man whose idea of fun
Doesn't involve beer, football or sun
And whose idea of sex talk is 'Set phaser to stun!'
And feels constant embarassment for Episode One."

Its a proposition that techies cannot resist
But, bad news for them, this woman doesn't exist.
That's what you get for trying to find love on the net
Wookielover99 is actually a fat man called Chet.


Thursday, 24 June 2010

Police Statement

"A man of usual moderation
I do avoid intoxication
Quite resent that implication
A minor source of aggravation.
A man of highest toleration
I will admit to some libation
I must continue protestation
On the cause of this altercation.
Of course, we had a conversation
From which arose the complication
A thorough round of provocation
I came to weary realisation-
There outside the petrol station-
That vague attempts at pacification
Could not halt the situation.
And, as my moral obligation
(Please excuse exaggeration)
I gave the youth a demonstration
And caused his shoulder's dislocation
Without a moments hesitation.
But he started it."

Sunday, 6 June 2010

Attack of the Fifty Foot Fedora

When Vogue said hats were out this season
Ladies ditched their Chapeaus without rhyme or reason
The hat makers – as you'd expect – were quite cross
And hatched a plot to make up for earnings lost.
They stitched a hat fifty-foot tall (the process took hours)
And made the buttons of Uranium, to give it super powers.
Then they set it loose on down town New York
The fashion editors would pay for their idle talk!
The hat caused chaos, reducing whole blocks to rubble
The authorities knew they were in for some trouble.
With millions now dead and the streets all aflame
They realised the seriousness of the fashion game.
The police called the mayor and the mayor called the military
Who brought their tanks in to destroy the militant millinery.
Top scientists engineered shells filled with moths
Resistant to fission yet hungry for cloth.
The soldiers loaded the barrels and fired the shells
And the head-covering monster let out such a yell!
The hat was defeated and the city-folk glad
The moral? Don't mess with the hatters – they're mad!